Chapter 42

Chapter 42
I Want To Fly
*Finally I present the long awaited Chapter 42! It's been over a week since the last update. Sorry guys... I had a MathCounts competition and a strict 'no computer' rule but I think it was for the best. I was first in my county for the competition, and I'm going to the state level. XD I'm so happy! Anyways, I finished the drawing of kid Viura, it's up on my deviantart account. My username is iluvshadowclaw, and I hope you like it! Please review the chapter, and check out some of my new stories, as there is a poll on my profile on which you would like me to work on as I do this one after MSK's finished. Kay? OK! Onto Chapter 42! (p.s. thank you lostinthedreams!) Please review!*
p.p.s. I will respond to anonymous reviews at the end of the chapter since I can't use a review reply button.
"Good night," whispered Viura as she snuck up behind Snake, fangs bared. He reached for his knife, but not fast enough. She bit him, tasting the rusty blood, savoring the moment as she heard him cry in pain, fear, surprise… and then fall, his low, shallow breaths breaking apart the silence of the room.
"Why?" he asked, the words hardly audible to even the ears of the hunter. It sent a thrill through her body to see this man desperate, seeing him dying. His words had an edge of loathing, something that didn't even affect her.
"The boss's decision, not mine." She pressed her finger to her pursed lips, winking at him. A pose she had copied from Vermouth. "Although if it was my decision, this would have happened a long, long, time ago."
He grabbed the leg of her pants, staring at her with as much hatred as he could muster, which wasn't much considering his face was filled with pain. This man had been born a killer; he would die as the victim in his sick little game of death. "You bastard," he wheezed out, his black eyes glittering for the last time. Then, he released his grip, and fell back towards the ground, destined to never rise again.
Viura laughed- these moments were always so pleasurable. Hearing people beg for mercy, wanting to know why she was killing them. There was no thinking about the kill, giving her the opportunity she needed to savor it, every action wired into her. Just like instinct. She was now replacing Snake as head of the search for Pandora section, though she sincerely wondered what the point of that was. The boss had clearly reached immortality, so why did he want it from a blood-red jewel?
His scientists had already healed all of his fatal wounds and given him the gift of eternal life. As far as she was concerned, the boss would never die. Vermouth was granted this too, but somehow she didn't see the woman on the same god-like level. Maybe it was because Viura's vision of her was clouded with hate, and the desire to be loved. Maybe it was because the boss loved Vermouth more than her and jealousy was hard to see past.
All her life, she had only wanted to be accepted by her two parents. Cognac had always seemed willing to forgive her for any mistakes, and always pushed her forwards, towards the future. Vermouth, on the other hand, was so unforgiving; no mistake went uncharted in her book. She would always try to convince Viura not to do something, not to tread down the path of evil she was strolling on now.
She swore she hated Vermouth above all others, wanted to kill her, wanted to hear her suffering wails. Then why was it that whenever Vermouth praised her, she felt like she was flying? That when Vermouth said 'I'm proud of you' did she feel like she was on top of the world?
Stop thinking about her, Viura. You have a mission to carry out now. Find Pandora, find the Kaitou Kid. She would definitely accomplish more than that lowly, inferior Snake. The ability to succeed was a part of her, and her instinct always led her where she needed to go.
You know what to do, Viura. Use your brain, and you will find the jewel. The boss's orders came back to her, and she let out a long laugh for nobody to hear but the corpse beside her. But first things first. I should find that boy, Miyazaki Ryuu. Then, I'll give him eternal slumber too.
Kaito was perched on the edge of his cot, alone with the exception of Haibara Ai, who was the only one who had been able to stay with him. Detective work and a call from the F.B.I. had forced everybody else to leave, everybody except the little girl.
He didn't mind her presence, but he didn't enjoy it either. Some part of him yelled to get away from her, that she was dangerous, and he could hear gunshots in his head. He could remember screaming in pain as the bullets pierced his skin, the crimson flowers that bloomed all around, and a final, frightening, "Say your prayers, boy." He did his best to dismiss these memories, the ones he didn't want to recall.
Ai looked up at Kaito, who was shaking his head clear of his terrifying thoughts, staring at him in a look that was half pity, and half envy. What would it be like it she lost her memory? Would it free her from her dark past and allow her to live the present in peace? Or would it be horrifying to not know who she was? To not know either Haibara Ai or Miyano Shiho?
She looked at his face, glazed over in confusion and depression. He hadn't said a word since Aoko left, and she was the only one who could really get him to talk. He almost acted like a puppy when she was around, jumpy, excited. If the situation wasn't so serious, she would probably laugh at the scene; a teenager behaving like such a child.
Kaito knew more about himself now, but virtually none of it had been recovered from his subconscious. It was all stories told by other people, things he didn't know were true or not, and he couldn't fathom what to do with his information.
It was quite clear to everybody around him that he may never be able to live a normal life again, and that his memory might be too hard to recover.
He still didn't get why he couldn't leave his room, couldn't see the outside world for just one precious moment. They said it was because he was a wanted criminal, an international fugitive, and he wasn't allowed to show his face or he would be put in prison. He listened, but it didn't keep him from desiring more, from wanting to jump off his bed and crack the door open just a peek, to have a second's worth of life, emotions, that were his and his alone.
Ai could tell what he was yearning for, and she wanted to help him out of here, knowing that even prison might allow him more freedom than this room. It made her think of her life in the Organization, knowing that she couldn't get out, and if she did, then she would die. Of course, his case wasn't about death, but you never knew. The man had been shooting to kill Kaito, and it couldn't take that long for another to replace him. The F.B.I. had asked her to see if she could recognize the mystery man's face, and she had been able to identify him.
"Calvados. He's part of the assassination unit. He usually works for Vermouth, but she isn't the one in charge of finding Kid." She looks up at the teenagers, who suddenly have an accusatory look in their eyes.
"You know about which part of the Organization was after Kaito?" asked Aoko, fire starting to light up in her eyes. "Then why didn't you tell us before?"
"I forgot. I don't really like remembering the Organization. I hate them. They killed my sister." She paused, and then continued with the question. "There's a part of the syndicate that was rumored to be dedicated to finding Pandora, and therefore, hunting down and killing the Kaitou Kid. My sister was part of it once, so that's how I know about it. Most people don't."
"So do you know anything else about them?" asked Heiji, bending down and looking at Ai, eye to eye. It was a method he used to interrogate people, as it made it easier to pry out the whole truth. His turquoise orbs pierced straight into the ice of her own, and she looked away.
"Akemi was only part of them for little more than a month. Then, she got relocated to where she was until- until, well, you know what." She wiped away a tear from her eye, thinking of Akemi, bright and cheerful, telling her about her next mission, because she knew her sister was anything but happy about what they had been making her do.
"I just got transferred to a new department, Shiho!" she crowed, hugging the tea-haired girl. Her chocolate hair draped over Shiho like a curtain, and the younger girl pushed her off.
"Let go of me!" She smiled at her sister after the outburst. "So, which department is it?"
"It's supposed to be a secret, but I'll tell you. I'm being transferred to the immortality department where I'll be searching for the legendary jewel, Pandora. Sounds exciting right? Kind of like a fairy tale!" With that she strolled happily down the hallways, humming joyful tunes as she walked.
"She only managed to tell me that the leader was a man named Snake, and his goal was to kill the Kaitou Kid, despite the actual plan to find Pandora. She was pretty disappointed; at that time she was relatively new to the Organization. Everything else I know about Pandora was from my own snooping around and even that isn't much. I don't know any more than Kuroba does." Ai zoned back into reality, going on with her tale. "I didn't think it was that important, is all."
Kaito was now off the bed, hand on the doorknob. He just wanted the one moment of freedom, and Ai ran, holding the leg of his pants. He looked down at her hesitantly, still not sure why he felt so afraid of the little girl. In that moment, so many emotions were running through both of them, that neither was sure what to do.
Ai knew what it was like to be trapped, to be unable to escape. She knew how much she had wanted to just fly away, flee from all of her troubles. How much she wanted to see the light of freedom, even if it was only for one precious moment.
Kaito started shivering, cold slithering down his spine. He had heard from the storytelling earlier that this girl was part of them, part of the ones that had hurt him. The only thing that he could truly remember was the hurt, the pain, the blood, the screaming. The only thing other than his feelings for Aoko that could make him really feel. The fear of this little girl had him freeze in place.
However, the only thing Ai did was let go of Kaito, and open the door, letting him see outside for just a minute. "It shouldn't be that dangerous. This part of the hospital is pretty quiet compared to the rest of it."
Kaito jumped out of the room with the enthusiasm of a kid on a snow day. His room didn't have a window; the only lighting were the bright fluorescent bulbs fixed to the ceiling, not nearly enough for him to feel the same kind of warmth he could remember in the back of his head, natural and perfect. The outside world amazed him; he could see the sun, hanging in the sky like a golden coin, and the clouds like fluffy cotton balls through the large windows nearly next to his room door, stretching several meters long in a wide arch around the corner.
It wasn't that he had completely forgotten about nature, it was that he'd been deprived of it. Just like any person yearns for food and drink, he craved the warmth of the sun, the feel of the wind on his skin, and the sight of green plants draped in a thin sheet of snow.
"It's beautiful," he breathed, his voice filled with awe. "I can't remember ever seeing this. It makes me so sad to know that I'm causing all the pain, but I can't even recall how, and I can't fix it. I want to see Aoko happy, but I just can't do it. It feels right, but it feels wrong at the same time." He was looking out the window as he said this, and Ai wasn't really sure if he was talking to her. It seemed he was conversing with somebody she couldn't see, somebody much more powerful than anyone on earth. "I wish there was a way that everybody could stop hurting, and a way that would make me less scared to get my memory back. Every time I try, all I can see is blood. I can't conjure up the happy things like I used to."
Ai felt so much pity for the boy; even in the short time she had known the real him, she could tell that he wasn't a weak person, that he was strong and confident. Now he was completely broken, a shell full of fear and confusion. She could see the wistfulness in his blue eyes, the color of an ocean at night, dark and unreadable. She smiled at the thought; at least the thief had kept part of his famous 'Poker Face'.
Footsteps came from down the hall, and Ai started pulling viciously on the boy's legs until she realized she recognized the approaching faces. She smiled sheepishly as they stopped in front of the door, trying to push Kaito inside the room.
"Why is he outside?" asked Aoko, expression full of anger. "You know that if somebody sees him he'll be arrested!" She looked fit to kill Ai, and even Ai was afraid, slowly backing up.
"I just felt so bad for him!" she pleaded, trying to get the older- no excuse me- younger girl to understand. "He's been staring at the door the entire time, and he hasn't even seen the stinking sun since he got stuck in here. It's just like a prison, but worse because at least in prison they'll let you out from time to time."
Aoko looked like she had just been struck by a bolt of lightning, but she quickly regained her feet. "It's not like he'll be in here forever!" she protested defensively. "As soon as he's ready to leave the hospital we'll get him back to Kudo's house."
"How are you going to get him out?" hissed Ai. "If you won't even let him take one step outside of that cell of a room, how the hell are you going to let him out? How can you call yourself his caretaker?" She was angry. She had been through a situation much like Kaito's, and she wanted the others to just understand. The boy backed away quietly into his room, not wanting to be caught in the crossfire.
Even if people were trying to protect you by keeping you in the dark, sometimes it hurts more to be in the shadows of safety than out into the open, dangerous rays of a cruel sun. She had been the victim and the culprit of the vicious circle of trying to keep somebody out of harm's way, and only giving them more pain.
She had tried her absolute hardest to make sure that Akemi never got hurt, and protected her by keeping her out of the Organization, even if it had been only a few years. Akemi had despised this treatment, saying that since she was the 'nee-chan' that she was in charge, and could do whatever she pleased. Despite her pleading, her sister joined the Organization.
Then it was Akemi trying to defend her from the fierce attacks of Gin, Vermouth, and several other agents. It was Akemi that had kept Ai from stopping her on the road to death. Maybe it was for a good intent, but in the long run, it only made everything worse.
Why don't they get it? thought Ai as she stared at Aoko's furious face, waiting for her answer. It's best for him if you set him free, and let him fly on his own.
"I haven't figured out how yet, but how dare you say I'm not trying to help him. I'm trying harder than everyone else." Aoko used her height as the major intimidation, but her light blue eyes could never match the depth of Ai's, filled with painful experiences and glowing like fire, melting the ice inside.
"You are trying, but it's not the right way. He's in a fricking cage, can't you see? A bird, even if it's an eagle, can't learn how to fly unless you let it out. You think I don't know how to help him? I lived my whole life behind the bars of the Organization, trying to get out, trying to get my sister out. I tried to keep my sister from getting hurt, but she would always fight. When I let her go, she was happier, more content, and just so much better than before. I also know what it's like to be treated like I'm helpless. It's not enjoyable, and it's not something that he should have to go through. He's not weak; he's perfectly capable of handling himself if you just let him try." Ai screamed it all out with all her heart at the absolute top of her lungs.
Kaito shivered just inside the doorway, cowering from the loud angry voices emanating from the argument outside. In his mind, he supported Ai. He wanted freedom; he wanted to fly like she said he could. He wondered how it would feel to be free, he forgot how that felt. The life he knew know was boring, dull, and torturous. The only questions he ever got asked were 'Did you remember something?' or 'Can you remember this?'. Day by day, minute by minute, it always played out like this, guaranteed.
At first, he had wanted to please above everything else, but it was obvious that it was out of his reach. He couldn't remember anything they wanted him too, only the precious moments that he lost so quickly. Now as the urged him to search inside his muddled brain, the only images he could fish out were filled with blood, his blood, cruel laughter, and pain. Way too much of it.
He wanted to escape this pain, this suffering, some way, somehow. It wasn't that he didn't love the teenage girl standing outside the door, he felt much too controlled. He was a puppet, and everybody else was pulling the strings for him. When they left for their work, they laid him down and locked him in this box of a room. He didn't have a choice.
Ai seemed to want to give him the key to the chest, and let him go, even for just a couple of seconds. Let him see outside, taste rain on his tongue, feel the wind against his skin, hear the gentle chirping of serenading songbirds, smell something other than the sickly hospital scented cots. The old Kaito was still wired into him, maybe not his sense of humor, his playfulness- but his courage, the love of challenges, and a need to fly was still buried inside.
It ate away at him as the days rolled by, slowly ticking off the days until they said he could leave this dark hole. He might have been recovering, the bullet wounds healing, his fatigue lessening, but he was dying inside. The doctors couldn't pry inside him and see this; he wouldn't let them. Slowly, the others had severed the contact between them to a bare minimum, barely visiting Kaito more than once a day; even then it was just to check he was still in the room. It had become less and less for his benefit and more for their piece of mind.
The yelling outside stopped, and his door, his prison door, was opened to reveal a flustered Aoko, and no Ai. Heiji, Ran, Kazuha, and Hakuba entered the room slowly, following Aoko's lead. They were obviously quite hesitant; Aoko looked as if she were about to explode at any moment, her anger quite visible in her fiery sapphire irises.
She stared into Kaito's blue eyes, filled with desire and fear, and said, "Sorry, did I scare you?"
He didn't know how to reply, not sure if he wanted to. The way she said it made him feel weak, inferior, like a child. In the beginning, he hadn't minded this treatment; he'd needed it to get used to everything, to get used to all the changes in the life he hadn't known. But now, it made him feel like he was being looked down upon, like he was stupid, like he couldn't do anything.
"I wasn't scared," he started, pausing for a couple of moments. What if he upset her? Then who would he be able to talk to? I'm not weak, I'm strong, he tried to convince himself, building up his courage. He swallowed his fear and continued. "I agree with the little girl, Ai. I don't want to be trapped in here. Give me a good reason on why I have to stay."
Aoko looked skeptical, as if she couldn't believe Kaito would say such a thing. She had felt that sending Ai away had been the best for him, and that the protection that she was giving him would ascertain his safety. "Kaito." She stopped, trying to find the right words behind her conflicting mind. Part of her agreed that Ai had a good point, but her stubbornness refused to give in, fighting a worthless battle. "It's just not safe for you out there. Not yet, maybe not ever. I only want to keep you out of harm's way for as long as I can. Is that too hard to understand?"
"No, it isn't." He looked back at the floor, expression half filled with depression, half filled with defeat. The one thing he hadn't gained since he arrived was a victory. The chance to win at least part of an argument, to not have to be guided in every tiny, step he took. A win by himself hadn't been achieved yet. Just failure and it brought his already poor self-esteem even lower.
"There, there, Kaito." Aoko snuggled against him, hugging him from behind, her head on his shoulder. "Everything will be fine. You'll only be in here for another couple of days. Then we'll move you back into Kudo-kun's house and everything will be okay. I promise."
He didn't answer, stuck in his sea of disappointment.
Fire. Flames. A loud crackle. The sound of falling wood. People screaming. Sirens blaring through the heat-filled air. Feet running on the rough asphalt, loud and fast, trying to achieve a hopeless goal. Sparks of orange light attacking every part of his body. A cloth pressed over his mouth, taking him to dark place. So dark…
Ryuu sprang up, covered in sweat. Where was he? As far as he could tell, he was on a bed, soft and comfortable, but not familiar, somehow cold despite the blankets provided. There was nobody else in the dimly lit room, the only lighting being the lone fluorescent bulb hanging right above him, causing strange, green and red spots to appear in his vision.
Was his nightmare just a dream? Or had it been reality? He didn't remember coming here, but he recalled the vicious, burning air, devouring him like a pack of hungry wolves. He could see his house being reduced to ashes, his parents probably along with it. Could they have, by any chance, gone out to run an errand? That would be best; it would mean they weren't dead…
The door opened from a quiet, desolate corner, and Ryuu snapped his head up at the noise. It was a woman, with platinum blonde hair and mysterious eyes that pierced through his emerald orbs. She looked up at him, her expression unreadable, shrouded in darkness.
He shivered, and spoke, the sound of his voice echoing through the nearly empty room, his heart thudding loudly against his chest in fear and hesitation, "Who are you?"
*This is just random crap I wrote in English class relating to the chapter. It's supposedly a poem. Whaddaya think?
What's it like to be trapped, in room like a prison?
Where you feel you are in a cage, unable to escape?
Others may feed you words that it's to keep you safe, but your doubts swallowed you up.
You are an eagle, kept on the ground, barred from the sky,
You want to take flight, fly up higher than the moon and the stars,
Fly up towards light where you will be forever free.
Loo Shuenpei: I'm happy with your enthusiasm! I hope you'll continue reading all of the stories!
djfhkdjg: There was more Kaito in this chapter! Hopefully there'll be even more in the next! Thank you for reviewing!
Thank you to all reviewers, anonymous and signed! Please review if you haven't!*